


Avengers/Spiderman One Shots (Mainly With Peter Being a Badass)

by Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, for the first chapter, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23758549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak/pseuds/Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak
Summary: This is going to be a bunch of one shots, mainly stories I don't have the attention span to finish at the moment.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 188





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Rogue Avengers are returning to the tower, but Harley and Peter aren't having their bs.

“Alright, you guys have access to floors 90 and 91, anywhere else requires permission from me, Pepper, Friday, or for Protocol “Someone Fucked Up” to be activated, which will grant you access to every floor in the tower.” The Rogues look uncomfortable, probably wondering why everything has changed. Except for Nat, she seems resigned. And bored. What a queen.

“Why are we on lock down?” Sam you complete and utter dumbass. You are the definition of birdbrain.

“Because you messed up, and made yourselves fugitives for a long time. Things aren’t just going to go back to normal after all that.” Ah, Tony’s “I’m the adult back off” tone. I know thee well.

“Yeah, but I thought it would only affect our lives outside of here?” Clint, how does that make any sense? A screw up of that size takes time to fix.

“Really? You thought I’d let you run all over my company’s main office building?”

“Isn’t it more Pepper’s company?” Ah Steve, what a doofus. Stubborn to a fault, a natural born leader turned dictator who’s so far up his own ass it’s a wonder he hasn’t walked into any walls yet.

“We’ve actually found a couple of new heirs in training, but until they’re ready Pep and I have decided she’ll run the business stuff and I take care of all the fun science-y crap.”

“Heirs? I thought you two didn’t have kids.” You thought wrong.

“Biologically, no. And we aren’t likely to at this rate.” ‘Cause you know, impending doom around every corner.

“Then who are the heirs?” Why do you want to know?

“None of your business.” Get ‘em Tony!

“Come on Tony, there’s no reason to be hostile.” He has every reason to be hostile you self righteous dickwad!

“Actually, there are many reasons, such as me being left for dead in Siberia, or you guys almost smashing in Spiderman’s head. He’s still mad about that.” You bet your company he is! Hell, I’m still mad about it and I wasn’t even there. I didn’t even know him until a couple months after that mess, and I want to snap your necks...but Peter said no, so you get to live another day.

“Spiderman? That little twerp you brought with you? Why does he matter?” Boy, what’d you say? I don’t speak dumbass bird! He can bench press you, and stomp your bones to dust, yet you have the gall to insult the sweetest person in the world? The nerve of some of these simpletons.

“To you guys, he doesn’t. If you ever see him here, walk away.” Or his boyfriend will fry you. It’s me. I’m the boyfriend.

“Is now a bad time to tell you there’s a masked guy hanging upside down from your windows?” Nope, he’s right on time. Operation “Save Tony From His Demons” is a go.

“Friday, open it.” No hesitation.

“Yes Boss.” Friday is also a queen, along with Pepper, Carol Danvers, Valkyrie, MJ, and as previously stated, Natasha. More women are on the list, my memory just sucks. Especially when my boyfriend’s defending his father figure from wannabe heroes.

“Hi Mr. Stark!” How in the world can you hear sunshine in someone’s voice? I’m pretty sure that shouldn’t be possible, but here we are.

“Kid, what did I tell you not to do?” Anything detrimental to his health, so basically everything he does on the daily.

“Come over while you were settling in the Rogues.” That too.

“And what did you do?” You know what he did. Why do parents think that’s gonna change how their kid(s) act? They know what they did, saying it out loud does jackshit to stop the behavior, unless you do it in front of a ton of people, and then it’s just torture.

“Get shot.” If I didn’t know it was fake, all the blood and the torn suit would scare the hell outta me.

“What?” A fair response to seeing your kinda-almost adopted son bleeding out on your shiny floors.

“Yeah, I’m kinda running out of blood.” Sadly, this is something he’d actually do.

“Damnit kid. Fine, you guys stick to your floors, I’ve apparently got a bullet wound to take care of.” You’re welcome.

“Bye not so cool Avengers!” Get ‘em babe!

“Did that just happen?” You bet your vent loving ass it did!

“Yes.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki meets Peter.

“Thor?”

“Yes Tony of Stark?”

“Why is Loki sitting on top of your ship?”

“He was too bored to sit inside it.”

“Not exactly what I was asking, but okay. Why is Loki here?”

“Because Asgard was destroyed.”

“By Loki?”

“No, by our older sister.”

“Is she the reason you’re missing an eye?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Once again, why is Loki here? Isn’t he kinda bad?”

“Not anymore! We worked it out when I was forced to become a gladiator.”

“Hm. Is that where you found Bruce?”

“Yes, he was stuck as Hulk and forced to fight.”

“Guess I gotta find another therapist, huh?”

“I have no knowledge of this ‘therapiss’ but if you think it necessary, I’m sure he will welcome it!”

“I’m not even gonna bother to correct you.”

“Probably for the best.”

“Mr. Stark, why is there a ship in the middle of the yard? Ms. Lilia’s gonna be mad if it smushed any of her flowers.”

“Peter, go back inside.”

“No. I’m not gonna leave you alone with an alien ship, Ms. Pepper told me not to.”

“Damnit kid, I’ll be fine. Go inside.”

“No, now tell me what’s going on!”

“No, go inside!”

“No!”

“I swear to god I will ground you!”

“You won’t go through with it!”

“I’ll have Pepper ground you!”

“She won’t ground me!”

“I’ll-”

“Since when did you have a child?”

“Fuck off Loki.”

“Loki? Oooh….yeah I think I’ll go inside now.”

“Don't worry young Son of Stark, Loki would never hurt a child.”

“Is that a challenge, brother?”

“Loki, put the knife down.”

“Brother, don’t do this!”

“I’ll do whatever I want!”

“Mr. Loki, sir?”

“What?”

“Wanna pet my cat?”

“Um..what?”

“You look like you need a hug, but you also look so emotionally traumatized that you’d spend the whole hug freaking out. Therefore, it would be best to start with a harmless cat.”

“Stark?”

“Yes?”

“I’m stealing your child.”

“Fair enough. Although, he’s not technically mine, so you’d have to fight his aunt for him.”

“Is she a formidable opponent?”

“Her and Pepper are best friends.”

“I see. Fine, take me to this cat.”


	3. Cupcakes VS Stairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not clear who's talking, and I left out the usual snarky character thoughts, but I will be working on some new chapters. This was something I finished a while ago, but didn't post. Let me know what interactions you want to see, and possible ships. Because these are just one shots, I can change ships and attitudes for each chapter. For example, in the first chapter Peter and Harley were dating, but in this they're more competitive friends. I'll probably put all ships used in the next chapters in the summary so you know what to expect. Have a good day!

“Tony, it’s good to see you.”

“More like good to see you actually do shit.”

“Sam, be nice to him.”

“No, it’s his fault it took so long for us to get here.”

“Actually, he’s the only reason you guys were allowed back at all.”

“Who are you?”

“Carol Danvers, your new boss.”

“What?”

“Since when?”

“Excuse me miss, I think you’re confused.”

“I’m really not. By signing the new and improved Accords, and the new Avengers agreement, you agreed to be on my team, under my jurisdiction, if and when I deem you ready. I am your direct superior, and you will address me as such. In fact, my proper title is Major Danvers. Any more questions?”

“Does Tony also have to listen to you?”

“Mr. Stark is in charge of his own branch, the Mini Avengers team in New York, and unless it’s a life or death mission we ourselves cannot handle, there will be little to no interaction between the teams.”

“Unless the kids want to train with you, which is unlikely at this rate.”

“Wait, he has his own team?”

“And they’re all children? Tony, how could you think this was okay?”

“They won’t be going on any missions unless absolutely necessary, and only if they are ready. I’m helping them learn to use their powers and skills to protect themselves and their loved ones.”

“Mr. Stark! Harley pushed me!”

“Did not! He took all the cupcakes, so I gently nudged him!”

“Down a flight of stairs!”

“You have enhanced healing, you’ll be fine!”

“That’s not how this works!”

“Shut it! Both of you need to settle down. Now, Harley, you know Peter needs to eat more, and you can make more cupcakes, so stop pushing him down stairs or you’re grounded, literally.”

“But Tony!”

“Nope, no arguing. And Peter, keep antagonizing Harley and I won’t let your friends come over unless it’s for training.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Both of you go upstairs, and don’t come back down. I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.”

“Oh, hi Rogues!”

“We’re not rogues? We’re the Avengers.”

“You broke the law in multiple countries, hurt Mr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes, imposed yourselves on King T’Challa, and none of you besides Mr. Bucky has apologized! And you guys tried to hurt me at the airport! So yeah, unless you get off your high horses and do some good, then you will always be the Rogues to me. Bye now!”

“And hurt Mr. Stark again, and I’ll test my new version of his repulsors on you!”

Everyone’s silent as the two kids walk away, pushing each other and laughing as if they didn’t threaten the group of people who were world wide fugitives not even two weeks ago.

“Tony?”

“Uh huh?”

“Your kids are kinda scary.”

“Yep. They get it from Pepper.”

“What was the short one talking about? He wasn’t at the airport?”

“Yes he was.”

“Don’t tell me-”

“He was Spider-Man?”

“Still is.”

“Shit I hit a kid.”

“Yep.”

“Does your whole team act like that?”

“Only to people they don’t like.”

“Damn, killer.”

“The tall one made his own version or your repulsors?”

“He also made his own suit, with a tacky color scheme, but it’s still pretty cool.”

“How many kids are on this team.”

“Seven and counting. Peter keeps finding enhanced teens and bringing them home. Or geniuses.”

“Wait, home? He lives with you?”

“His aunt gave me custody when she got a job offer in Italy so he could stay with all his friends and get the training he needs.”

“You’re totally in dad mode.”

“Shut it Barton.”


End file.
